Why is today an infinite measure of comfort in not losing
and not gaining anything and yet a certain dependence on feeling of loss! To
live this day through is like living on negative side of an unventured thought.
To venture a thought by going into the infinite complexities of its
downside seems like an advantage to me. In its essentiality, the thought of a
prey arises from the negative, and that of the predator from the positive and
this is what I think, makes all the difference, the roles we play in its
eventuality. To think like a prey,
about the multiple ways it will go wrong, I become cautious, prepared for a
defeat, a misunderstanding, a mistrial and the pioneer of ill disposition “bad
luck”!
What I feel
today sitting in this well-built apartment holds a story of my friend sandeep
and his mysterious adventure, one that made all the difference.
One bright afternoon, I was preparing lunch after writing first draft of
my novel which took 3 months to materialize. I was certainly content on its
completion. Around 3-o-clock
My doorbell rang continuously; often the landlady has this
disposition of announcing her presence and more than always for rent. Unusually
today, I was prepared to pay her. I opened the door and it was sandeep, all
soaked in sweat, looking at me through his sunglasses.
‘What took you so long?’
He said irritatingly.
‘I wasn’t expecting you! Or anyone for that matter.’ He
couldn’t care little about my surprise.
‘Ok! I came anyway.’
He settled on the sofa lying in my drawing room. It belonged
to the landlady, as she was out of space. I brushed it often anyway.
‘Do you believe in anything?’ he said leaning forward,
almost scaring me.
I could not understand if it was a
metaphysical-philosophical question or some sort of marketing tactic to sell me
something.
‘In the inevitable, yes I believe in them’ I said just for
the sake…
‘What about the things that hangs on uncertainty,
Like…everything else!’ He replied
leaning back, relaxed putting two fingers on his lips and his thumb on the jaw
line. He was expecting an intelligent answer.
‘If empirics support them, yes!’ I closed my eyes trying to
sleep over this torture.
‘Instincts, do you believe in them?’
‘You know I don’t.’
At this moment he produced from his pocket a 1000 rupee note
which was folded and gave it to me. On
inspection, I found that it was torn, not folded! I held just one half.
‘What do you think?’ he stood up.
So this is what it’s all about, I thought.
‘I feel sad for you but I cannot help you, I have to pay my
landlady. In fact when you came…’
‘It’s not about that you fool’ he said smiling.
‘I found this note near chandni chowk, look at it, can you
see anything?’
‘What makes it any different from any other ill-fated
currency note? It’s just a torn part that might have fallen from someone’s
pocket.’ I said observing the note.
‘No no! Look at it closely, it’s not any note, look how new
it is and..and...wait!’
At this point he picked up a paper of same dimension as a
1000 rupee note. He tore it vigorously by using his thumb and index finger of
both hands, from the middle. He then took another paper and tore it slowly as
an act of deliberation, then held both halves and looked at me foolishly; I was
still holding the 1000 rupee note.
I could assert that no one could see any difference, but not
sandeep; he could never make general assertions of the sort. He did not believe
in weak-concept such as coincidence.
‘Give me the note’, he took the note from my hand and
superimposed it with the deliberately torn paper.
‘You see the edges! When I tore carelessly two haves are
neat, on the edges, there are no remnants of the other half, on the contrary,
deliberately, things get messy, the edges get thin on one half and thick on
another! It’s not neat, now see the note.’
He wanted me to believe his story, his theory, but I could
see nothing but a desperate fool.
‘Have you slept sandeep, are you taking your medicines?’ he
was clearly angry, and started muttering words looking sideways.
‘I am sorry, but I am of no help, I cannot indulge in your
fantasy even if I wanted to!’
‘I should have known what a self-righteous fool you are,
only if you had known something about the place I found it...’ he left slamming
the door.
Sandeep went to collage with me and we lived in the same
apartment for a few semesters. Sandeep is well-build, medium-heighted guy about
my age. His complexion has gotten darker from collage days as he works as
forest ranger, currently off-duty without pay.
I finished
my lunch and soon got lost in the trail of thought regarding my collage days
with sandeep, a hopeless romanticist who could cling to almost everything and
build a parallel existence devising theories whose truthfulness depended on
number of people agreeing to it. Many
things have changed since then but not sandeep. I simply did not wanted to
encourage sandeep in his pursuits as I have seen him fail many times, but there
was indeed something about the note…
Things were usual the next day. On the 2nd day
sandeep came again into my house. He looked flushed out of life. I didn’t know
what he saw but he was terribly frightened.
‘What happened, you’re shaking, is everything all right?’
‘Can I stay 3-4 days here with you, please?’
‘Of course you can but what happened?’
He said nothing and went into the other room which was empty
since my roommate left last month.
Days passed and nothing occurred that was remarkably
unusual, although sandeep sat hours at the window once outside window, faced
towards street, and at the note every other time with, what I saw, “admiration”.
He ate less and talked little, contrary to his countenance. I thought he was
short on money and thus got kicked out of the house!
On the 4th day, I woke up and went to the window,
I saw him leaving. He waved at me from the street, he was caught and it
embarrassing for both of us. I soon forgot about this incident and started
working on my second draft.
Days evolved into weeks and weeks into month when monsoon
arrived. Delhi’s weather works in hyperboles, in extremities, and monsoons are
not any different. My street was flooded with rainwater. I sat near my window
sipping coffee and read a newspaper. News was fighting with advertisements for
space. Neighboring children were busy with paper boats. I saw the postman struggling on his bicycle
not to fall. He threw a letter at my door just at a small spot between water
and more water. Such skills warrant more respect than it gets. I could hear a
kid jumping on stairs until he finally appeared, threw the letter at me and
rand away.
The address on the
letter was of a certain apartment in gurgaon. It wrote.
Dear friend,
Ankit
You have seen me fail so many times and in so many ways that
you cannot possibly imagine a bitter end fated for me, that has not already
happened. But I will tell a different tale this time. Come meet me, I will send
a car tomorrow.
Your friend,
Sandeep
This was 3 months after he left, yesterday. I could not
understand the meaning of it all. How could he fail ‘more’ miserably after what
I know about his past endeavors? Today, I took the car he sent and reached his
apartment. I was called on 21st floor when sandeep was told of my
arrival.
It was a well built apartment facing a large forested land
from one side and huge settlements from the other; it was too spacious for
sandeep. I was all ears today for he had a story.
‘Whose apartment is this?’
I asked after the normal pleasantries.
‘Mine, of course’ he just wanted to astonish me.
I stared at him astonished.
‘Is this anyway related to that half note of yours?’
‘You remember the 1st day I came to you with that
note, around 3 and a half month ago?’
‘How can I forget that madness!’
‘Well you guided me right that day, my dear friend, although
unknowingly’
‘How come I guide you?’
This part was ironic because earlier I would encourage him a
little and when forced would even give a few suggestions to him, but this time,
with this note fantasy, I rejected it completely, how could have I guided him,
was there no escaping sandeep’s interpretation of help.
‘Well you said you cannot help me, so I kept looking for
someone who would, and that someone, that someone is very important in my
story.’
‘I went to chandni chowk after I left you, exactly where I
found the note. I waited there for an hour or two, I could not see anything, I
felt hopeless and foolish.’
‘Then what?’ I asked.
‘Just when I was about to leave, I saw 3 men in black suits
looking for something the very place I found the note! I was so excited I was
going to tell them about the note when I saw 2 of them leaving and opening the
door in front of the spot. It was a shop, it had no sign or banner but I was
sure it was commercial. Now that there was just one guy I went there and asked
him what he was looking for!
“A key” he said without looking at me! “key to the sh…” and
he looked at the open door of the shop and went inside immediately’
‘Key?’ I exclaimed.
‘Yeah, at this moment, I thought they dropped the key to the
shop and 2 of the men found it, and the third was awfully drunk so he kept
looking for the key! But you know me; simple solutions are the 1st I
discard. So I stood on the other side of the road and kept waiting. There was a
cyber café so went inside and took the table from where I could see the shop.
It was nearly 8.00 p.m when the third guy came outside. Although I followed him
closely, I was preety much sure where he was going!’
2
‘A bottle of beer and
ice’ abhay settled on his chair.
Abhay was a lean guy, more of an athletic build, around 6
feet tall and had a scar on his forehead. He was of a fair complexion. He dressed
neatly.
‘I followed him to the bar and took the table next to him; I
did not plan on getting drunk but out of excitement, gulped down 2 bottles of
beer’
‘I was waiting for the right moment to talk and indeed
things turned in my favor! He finished his 2nd bottle and was
approaching 3rd when I approached him and sat on empty chair of his
table.
‘Do you mind?’ I said placing the bottle on his table, he
signaled me to sit down with his eyes and spoke after putting out his
cigarette.
‘You from around here?’
‘Yeah, sandeep, I come here often but have never seen you’ I
lied but with enough tact as to not get caught.
‘I don’t like being seen anyway; it’s asking for unnecessary
trouble, I am abhay’
‘Let me get you a beer’ I signaled the waiter for a bottle.
‘Thank you, you looking for work?’ he asked.
I thought; if it will
make him talk, why not play along.
‘Yeah, how did you guess, I did not sit here for that
though. I don’t like to drink alone, makes me sulk!’
‘How long it’s been since you bathed, shaved, this shabby
hair, unpressed cloth, you need a girl more than a job!’
Despite the sarcasm, I was happy; we were where I wanted us
to be.
‘Maybe both!’ I said
‘I can give you work, albeit on my terms, there are many
important people above me, who trust me. I must trust you first’ said abhay.
‘Yes I’ll try’ I said trying not to sound too desperate.
‘More than try, my friend.’
He said handing me a package which was small and had too
many clips around it and asked me to give it to a guy sitting diagonally opposite
to the table. I went and gave the package but many eyes turned in such short
passage. I tried to avoid thinking what was in the package, it was the hardest
2 min walk I ever took. Anyway, I walk back to him and he said me to meet him
on the same table 4 days later,
‘Those two guys take special liking for you, I think, if
you’ll meet me after 4 days, I will have a reason to think they have failed.’
Abhay said before leaving.
I looked back and 2 big guys in black suit were eyeballing
me. I skipped a beat but tried and composed myself trying to escape covertly
but they followed me to the next street, I was too drunk to stop and think. It
was then that I saw a police jeep. I stood near it and hoped it would repel
those guys. It indeed did.
I came running to your house, if you remember when I stayed
for 4 days. I didn’t tell you the entire thing because I knew you would not
understand; even I did not understood what happened that day. Like abhay
thought I needed a job, you too must have thought something about my stay. I
did not wanted either you or abhay to think otherwise. I must be forgiven but
we believe the stories we ourselves create more strongly than what anyone else
would tell us. I just exploited this fact.
Those 4 days were full of terror. I kept looking out of the
window to chick if those two assassins didn’t follow me to your house and then
at the wretched note which bought so much trouble with itself. When I was about
to sleep the third day, I thought the 1st thing I would do in the
morning would be to throw that note. Something stopped me doing it that very
moment. However that sleep and the subsequent dream changed many things.
I dreamed that I was in a room with sandeep and there is a
big chest of treasure lying open, he’s fighting with someone over its content.
I go over and peek inside; it was all stones and saplings of coal. I was
disappointed and tried to close the lid but as I was doing it the entire chest
turned gold and other precious stones and the coal saplings turned into silver
ones. Abhay was surprised but I saw he was no longer there. I was alone in that
room with all the treasure. I woke, shaved, wore one of your suit and left. I
didn’t even wait for you. Remember I waved at you from the street.
I went to a job interview in the morning around 11, which
lasted till 3.00. I then went to the shop and waited in the cyber café on the
opposite side. Around 6.00 I saw a black Mercedes stopping in front of the
shop. A fat man, in a much better but black suit came out of the car and went
in the shop. He appeared to be the ringleader. I thought of asking the café
owner about the shop but I couldn’t on account of unnecessary suspicion. It was
8.00 and I headed to the bar.
‘Someone does not just lose the key and gets away with it’
abhay was saying to the 2 other guys who were searching that day. He saw mw.
‘So you’re alive, it seems’ abhay laughed and asked those 2
boys to leave and look for some passing rumors about the “key”.
‘What key were you talking about? I asked.
‘I thought you would ask about the two guys who followed
you, people do indeed set their priorities foolishly’
He poured the beer in glass.
‘Yeah, I was about to ask about them’!
‘Well you are two new to know about the key, and too quick
to care about the pair of them!’
‘I was not that quick, they nearly got me, if it were not
for the policemen…’
‘What? You asked a policemen’s help?’
‘No no, I just stood by their jeep’
‘Good, because that would have been the last foolish thing
you would have done!’
We were one bottle down each. I mixed 4 different types of
drinks for abhay and gave him at least 2 big shots of it. He was awfully drunk;
I wondered why he taunted me about having wrong priorities.
‘What is the key business all about?’
‘What does a key do idiot?’ said abhay
‘Open locks!’ I responded
‘Well, this lock has 2 keys and one of them is lost by that
drunkard rahul, that fool…’ he was not
addressing anyone.
‘Then break the lock.’ He was too drunk to listen.
‘The money, all the money, boss came today, he’ll kill me,
that fat bastard, for all the money..all the…’
He slept in mid sentence.
The bad owner helped me put him upstairs in owner’s room. He
said abhay at times forgets about the night and panics when finds himself
anyplace else than home, so said me to stay too.
I thought you must have slept so I slept there.
I woke up in the morning while he was still asleep. I went
for tea to a tea stall near the shop. I always tried to spy on the shop; this
was the last time I was to do it.
I went back and abhay was up and smoking.
‘You will work for me, but don’t ask too many questions’
‘What will I do?’
‘No questions! Come with me!’
We went to the same shop. I saw a big table and two men
behind it. There were charts of numbers hanging written “today’s draw” on top of
it. I got the faint idea of what it was. I followed abhay and there was a
staircase concealed by the wall. On the wall above two men was written “OSCAR
LOTTERIES” I knew abhay was not in the lottery business but I didn’t ask him
about it.
Upon climbing the stairs there appeared a spacious room,
nearly empty but with a sofa and a table with multiple drawers. There was a
bookshelf in the corner. He sat on the chair behind table and drew from the
drawer a package although bigger but similar in appearance to earlier package,
in the bar. He asked me to take it to a meat shop near narayana flyover. I left
immediately.
Upon
reaching there and giving the package to a fat bald butcher, a strange thing
happened; he gave me a half torn 100 rupee note and asked me to give it to
abhay.
I was very content
that I had been led correctly by my instincts all along. In next month, may
such deliveries and receiving occurred. On receiving, I was to open the package
and check for the half part of currency note and give the other half to them.
These were notes of different values 10, 20, 50,100,500. But I never received
or delivered any note of 1000. I and abhay grew close and I learned a lot about
him, his family, his habits, his drinking problem, problem to those who faced
him after drinking! He was violent, more in thoughts than in action.
One morning the lottery guy, sonu, a thick man, told us about a lottery
ticket for 10 crore in rupee 500. I immediately bought two tickets and gave one
to abhay. He gave me 500 rupee and asked me to keep the ticket.
‘Where will I keep it you fool, keep it, I don’t really win
these things. Still they say my luck will outlive me, those rascals’ he said
jokingly
We went upstairs and counted the notes and the packages.
‘Still interested in knowing what a key is?’ he asked
Although I knew what is was, I played along.
‘Yes, of course’.
‘You hold it in your hands all the time you fool; in fact
you have one sitting in your purse! The notes!’
‘What? I don’t have any!’ I panicked; I thought he knew all
along.
‘Don’t tell me you didn’t do the last night deliveries, you
fool’
‘Oh yes’ I breathed ‘I did it; here keep the note… the key’
I handed him a 100 rupee half.
‘There it is, you see it, this is the key, the only deal
breaker in the hawala business, no authenticity, no authority, and this is the
agent, without this, no deal can be done!’
‘And someone lost one of these?’ I grew relentless
‘That fool rahul, it’s just me between him and certain
death, that old bastard would have hacked him if it were not for me. This is
what is wrong with me, I am an emotional man.’ He stared at me.
Sometimes he said things like these and I felt giving him
the note, something stopped me, may be that dream!
‘This package is the biggest we ever dealt in, in Gujarat!
It’s extremely hi-profile and is waiting for 2 months. Even boss cannot crack
it without the key, that fat bastard’.
At this moment, a fat man appeared in the room, he was the
same man I saw in Mercedes that day. He was angry; or it was just his
eye-brows.
‘Don’t you value your life abhay, tell me who lost the key
are I will kill you right now! Who’s this?’
The fat man said looking at me.
‘Boss, it was a mistake, I trust that guy, he has worked for
me9 years, more than I have worked for you, kill me if you want but keep him
out of this’ abhay drew me near ‘he is the new guy I told you about, sandeep,
he’s our boss’ he introduced me.
‘OK OK. Listen to this, there is a new receiving of a fiver
and you have to handle it, it’s near gandhinagar, go there and break the deal’
‘When boss?’
‘I will tell you when’ he said leaving the room.
Gandhinagar is in Gujarat and I wanted to go there.
‘I can go if you want!’ I said coolly and carelessly.
‘ I need you here you, you fool…wait…you are perfect for
this job, great’ he said holding me with both hands ‘ I will go and tell rahul
to lay low for few days, you wait here for boss’s signal’ he left in haste.
I could not understand as to why I was perfect man for this
job but I was too excited to care.
I sat there thinking why abhay knew boss will not kill him,
its then I noticed a file named Gujarat in one of the drawers; I looked out of
the window and saw abhay leaving. I picked up the file and started reading
them, to my surprise, there was nothing to read, just blank pages. At the last
page there was a pamphlet of some builder’s site in Ahmedabad. There was
nothing else on the file. I was disappointed. I closed my eyes and thought
about the randomness of events that bought me here. It was then when realized I
had seen that pamphlet somewhere else. Upon thinking, I ran downstairs and saw
the boss’s car and there it was. On the back window, the same sign of “mahavir
constructions’. I ran upstairs and was about to open the file when I heard
footsteps which had probably followed me upstairs. I panicked and left the file
on the table.
‘Your lottery draw will come day after tomorrow, it’s the
biggest we have drawn till now’ sonu the lottery guy was up there. The words
rang in my ears, biggest draw till now…biggest deal till now!
‘Tell me, boss owns the lottery company too?’
‘Boss?, you boss and my father were friends and they bought
this place together, so I own this company, anyway, why do you ask?’
‘Oh, just like that’ I said
He left waving at me.
I opened the file and noted down the address of construction
site. Then I left and went for tea downstairs. Honestly, the idea cooking on my
mind made me too anxious. I just thought the risk was not worth taking. Who
wants to be caught guilty among gangsters? Even though they liked being called
businessmen, I was perplexed with these thoughts when a guy came and handed me
the paper with an address and told me that I am to go to Gandhinagar and gave
me 500rupee key. The paper wrote 3.00 p.m.
I boarded the train at 10.30 p.m. from chandni chowk station
for gandhinagar. I didn’t even buy a ticket in frenzy and even had a little
tussle with the T.C. I reached gandhinagar at 1.00 p.m. the next day.
I had the address to the receiving point which was a
manager’s room at a petrol pump, I took the package and didn’t even cared for
check the key inside.
Ahmedabad is 23 kilometers north of gandhinagar so I took
the local train. Waiting for that train was the hardest part of the entire
deal. I was thinking about what to do next. I tried to figure out the whole
equation, why I ever contacted abhay, why I did what I did, the only
explanatory variable was the 1000 rupee note still sitting in my pocket, so I
proceeded towards the inevitable.
The railway station nearest to the grand Gujarat deal was 40 minutes
away; I took a train at 4.00p.m. and reached there by 5.00. It rained heavily
all along. I had to keep the package secure too. I took a cab to the
construction site which was supposedly the place of the deal.
I was led to
this place by just my instincts and little deductions I mentioned. As a result
I was still uncertain about going there.
4 men were sitting around the table and were playing a game
of cards. The boundary around the plot was just my height so it was easy to
observe from outside. Believe me, in last few months if I have learned anything
its being covert and a keen observer, so I looked inside. The building was not
at all like they showed in pamphlet. One could notice that things were at halt
from a long time. Machines had mud in their engines; the plastic sheets over
the building were covered with thick layers of dust and cement. It seemed like
a cover for businesses like these. I saw 2 guys leaving and decided to wait.
You know, it’s easy confronting two guys than four. Their bike puked the
darkest smoke I had ever seen.
I moved towards a little opening between the boundaries when
someone poked a sharp object on my back. It was a knife, it must be a knife.
‘So you know what a key is’ I could recognize abhay’s voice
anywhere.
‘You yourself told me’
‘Trouble for you is what I didn’t tell you, what I did to
manoj, about you, about what you do. What I told you bought you here, what I
didn’t tell will be the end of you’
‘They know you; they know about it, boss will know anyway!’
‘Well all this didn’t stop you’ he kicked me and I kneeled.
‘That rahul, I hacked him the day he lost the key, and you
know who my brother is, don’t you fool?’ he pulled my hair ‘remember you sat in
that cyber café, the owner is my brother you fool’
‘Now, you have something that belongs to me, give it to me’
‘Why didn’t you take it all along’ I asked while opening my
purse. I was honestly curious.
‘Ha ha, then who would have done my dirty work, you never
worked for that fat bastard, it was my packages you transacted’
I handed him the key and something hit my head. The next
thing I remember was the bullet sound that woke me up. I was lying tied in back
of abhay’s car which was parked away from the boundary, I tried to see outside.
What was to follow tested me in everything my wit, fear and most importantly luck!
All I could think about was of dying. What was dreadful that I knew “how”. That
changes things, two men dragging abhay’s unconscious body towards the car. They
were the same men who followed me from the bar!
I was clearly aware that my luck had saved me once; it could have been
me instead of abhay. But what about 2nd time! It was then that my
elbow touched the package in my pocket. I slowly drew out the package with my
elbow and pushed it toward my mouth with my thighs as it fell out. With my
mouth I picked out one of the pins. I peeked outside again and looking for
something in abhay’s pocket. I could see clearly now that abhay had bullet
wounds. I threw the pin with my mouth near my hand and just hoped it fell
there, it did. I managed to open the back and sneak out. I took the package and
sat like dead behind the car. They drove off.
You might think
that I escaped and was out of danger but at that moment I was paranoid like a
drug-addict. I looked at everything with suspicion. The package was glued to my
hand, I was drenching in sweat. I ran to the station and saw train to Delhi was
leaving in 5 minutes. Terrified as I was, I still bought the ticket. The T.C
that day de-boarded many people without ticket.
I reached Delhi in the morning as you can imagine, I wanted
to come straight to you but the package got me thinking. I thought, though
dangerous, the wisest thing would be to leave the package in the office, if not
give it to the boss.
I went to the shop. I stood there for an hour, outside still
undecided whether to go in or not. Finally, I hurled straight into the shop and
then to the office. Someone sat on the chair; I could not see who he was
looking out of the window. I threw the package on the table and the chair
turned. It was boss.
‘I saw you standing there for like an hour, why didn’t you
come up?’
I realized I didn’t even notice the car or cared to look up
the window.
‘I was waiting for abhay’
‘That could be a long wait, or not’
I knew what he meant but I had to be patient.
‘Do people really betray you or are they being honest to
themselves?’ he asked
‘Maybe both, boss! What happened?’
‘Abhay would have known better but he can’t answer now’
‘Where is he?’
‘Where he belongs, my men killed him. He killed the guy who
lost the key. Maybe he would have done the same to you, that clever stooge.
Maybe I saved you’
‘I would never have thought’ I said.
‘Yeah, that’s why fools like you worked for him. Tell me,
will you work for me? you owe me you
life in a way’
‘Boss, this was the last job he asked me to do. I was to
leave even before but he forced me, he had to be somewhere.’
‘Apparently not where he is now, go then what are you
waiting for! Maybe the world needs more fools like you.’
3
‘What, then what
about this car you sent me, the apartment you call your own?’ I stood up in
curiosity
‘Well I left the room and bumped into the lottery guy, sonu!
He forced me to see the charts.’ Said sandeep
‘You won the lottery?
‘I took out my ticket and my number was nowhere to be found.
I was leaving when I saw another ticket in my purse!’
‘He won the lottery?’
‘Indeed, his luck certainly outlived him.’
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